As I was making my way to work today, I received a text from guy (lets name him Jamo) asking whats my plan was for the long weekend? A smile cropped up my face because I just realized that its Friday. Jamo only texts on Friday. Its funny though, its almost like this guy has set his phone alarm to text me every Friday with a weekend plan. I am bit lost, what happens from Monday to Thursday is left to my imagination because he is perfectly good at going MIA. Another text comes in, I thought its still Jamo, but its from another guy (lets call him Ryan). “I miss you!” is what he said. I shook my head (SMH) and wondered why Ryan thought it would be appropriate to text me after not talking to me for fifteen days (and I wasn’t counting this information is displayed on my phone)
These two texts just made me think about all the hullaboo I go through as a single lady. I meet all types of men every corner and day. I started analyzing one after another and decided to group these men into different genres. However, before I go on, this is just my creative opinionated way of putting it.
First of all we have;
CAN I COME OVER?
These type of men are the ones that always want to come over to your place. This will be the most common question you will ever be asked on your texts and phone conversations. It will almost become a tagline. A common character with can I come over dude is he is always waiting for you to get home, he will never meet you halfway for coffee, or lunch, or even dinner. “Please hala when you get home!” thats what you will always get. Another character is that they will never come with anything, sugar, meat, rice, anything even salt but they will want to eat lunch/dinner at your place, get comfortable in your space, probably sleep over then leave the next day and start all over again. This one will make you his personal diner with benefits.
CAN YOU COME OVER?
There’s a difference with this one from the previous one. This guy you will meet at his comfort zone his house. The interesting thing about this one is that he will buy the nitty gritty (ingredients) of what is to be cooked and expect you to cook for him, clean up after, probably wash his clothes (but most of them have mama fua) and get his benefits. Once you are done or morning has come, you can find your way home until he is in need again. “I will call you!” that’s what you will get after being his personal chef cum acting housewife but not quite.
I meet a lot of these type. They are the most common in the streets. This guy will start telling you how busy he is from day one. He will level your expectations of him and warn you of how he will not be able to always reply your texts and call you back. He will want you to understand that he will not always be there for you but expects you to always be there for him. He can go for days without talking to you and then reminds you “but babe you understand my line of work!” However, when he is free, he will look for you like a lost Gold Tab.
HOLIER THAN THOU
These genre of men, I do not trust. They do not drink, they do not go out partying, they do not smoke, they literally do not do anything that is considered social in Nairobi. This guy thinks of how to build his career, build his life and everything any woman would love to hear and will always give you advice and instructions of how to live your life. He is the epic description of the ultimate bachelor.However, this guy does not present his drug to you. He seems too good to be true, because he doesn’t have any evident faults. Now why this scares me is because, you always come out as the defocused and bad one in most situations.
DOWN FOR WHATEVER
This champ is down for whatever. If you call him at 2am for a house party he is very willing to come through. If you want someone to go with to Coast, he is very present. If you want someone to hang out with, he is very available to hang out. This type of men will confidently tell you “Yeye ni Hustler!” His ambitions in life well are not exactly what you would call super goals, probably get the new iphone 6, go for the hottest gig in town and look good always. That’s it! that’s just it!
This type of men are very attractive. Not necessarily looks, but If you are keen on their conversations, they are always about deals and more deals. He will be driving a luxury car at a very young age and he looks perfect what every woman needs. Ambition and High standards is writing all over their faces and you will definitely fall in love with this specie. He is not easily available but you can definitely see why. However, these type of men like I mentioned, is what every woman wants, so you are not the only one on this trail, there is a whole list of you plus more. If you can give him what he wants, he will definitely settle for the next sweet thing that is ready to offer a better deal.
So after my survey through dates, awkward texts and interesting phone conversations, well I came up with this short list am yet to continue, am sure there more funnier and peculiar men out there. Being single has really been an interesting journey.