CHONGA VIAZI! Or PAY THAT BILL!!

Its Tuesday-Monday, because yesterday was my Monday- Sunday, and truth be told I love my long weekends, I get to sleep in extra hours. Am back on the magic office chair, I check my Instagram updates, and everybody was so busy drinking, partying and participating in the hullabaloo of the weekend that went down in my absence. I literally feel like I am just from starring the series Last Woman on Earth because that is exactly how I spent my weekend. ‘Alone’, or most of it.This alone business is pretty cool, I get to share Oroes with yours truly Myself and enjoy my playlist without anyone giving their shrewd opinions of whether my music rocks or not. Pretty selfish but I actually like it. Fortunately, this alone time was interrupted with some girl time on Saturday. We laughed, ate and drank but mostly laughed. Laughing is the new healthy lifestyle am picking, apart from the back-fired dieting which always leads back to my Oreos. I am actually addicted to these pieces of heaven.

So yes, Saturday… after hanging out with my girls, I was meeting this guy lets name him (Jamie).This spending time alone was getting to me, so I decided to give a shot at going out to the club. He asked me where I would like to go,and my excited soul saw a million places race through my mind even Paris but I stuck to reality and was down for whatever is fun and reasonable at that moment.

Ha! I even gave the guy themeat with fries opportunity to even pick the club because Last Woman on Earth has no idea where to go out nowadays. I was having the time of my life. The music was good, and well I was enjoying my vodka on the rocks. Greediness killed the Hyena direct translation for Tamaa iliua fisi and my greed led me to order for food.Their meat looks too delish. I ordered a platter of meat, my diet had to go on vacation for now. We enjoyed the meat with Jamie. He seemed to have wanted the meat more than I did.

The night went on but Last Woman on Earth duties called at around 2pm and I was beginning to ware of. I wanted to return back to my cave. I asked Jamie if we could leave, he agreed. What came next after that is what caught me by surprise. He asked the waiter for the bill and I went on to finish my drink. The bill came and I almost thought the vodka had gotten to my head. It first read 500 then 1500 then 500kshs. Which one was it? I did not really care much until Jamie said “Lipa Bill Twende!” that was the beginning of the end. I almost fainted, actually in my mind I did then rose again Tom and Jerry style. “What did you say?” “Lipa who?” I read the bill again, it was actually 1500kshs. “Why?” it should have stuck to 500kshs where did that 1000kshs come from.

I could feel my blood begin to boil like literally, my face felt hot despite the cold June weather. “Why am I paying for this bill? and why didn’t this baba tell me he was looking for a sugar mummy instead of girlfriend?” Aki I did not even carry money, I only had busfare from my girls’ place to my place. “Sasa hizi ni gani?” Aki sijawahi chonga viazi! I began to feel tears start to form in my eyes. That old school song is actually coming true in my life. I would have stuck to my normal routine of staying inside my four walls. My night out turned out to be a (I will assume that you read minds and you just read mine). (Imagine if I actually picked Paris for a night out or Kempinski, some of you would be visiting me in prison because kuchonga viazi would not have counted)

That is where I will leave it because up until now am still recovering from the humiliation of the weekend that was. As for Jamie, In case you meet him tell him to be afraid, to be very afraid.

That’s all folks.

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