Everybody has their drug, some its the small packet of chocolate we hide in our handbags, some its the small bottle of whisky you put in the last drawer of your office desk, others its stalking that cute guy on Instagram whom one day you hope they will notice you (A gal has got dreams), to others its the hard narcotics that give them that ‘high’, and some, its the love of their life who hold their breath and once he walks away he takes her breath with him.
I miss my drug, the way it lit my world like someone had switched off the lights. A perfect feel of the happiness,joy to the world. I feel like I would conquer the world be the Superwoman, Cat-woman or the Hero in my story.
When I have my drug, nothing could stop me. They way it takes over me with its scent,its perfect feel, its bewildering strength. The minute I had it, my mind was blown away. I smile like there’s no problem in the world. It was my perfect comfort for an everyday feel. I couldn’t go one day without, I had to at least have a doze, a small perfect doze.
I knew it would destroy me if I take too much, I wanted to stop myself but the more I tried, the more I found myself trapped and there was no way to escape. Its not something am proud of, No! but the drug was more of a cure as well as the disease. The perfect storm that sets my mind off to think am capable of climbing Mt Everest, even we both know I am truly afraid of heights.
My drug turned against me and set the record straight that we are not clearly good for each other. I began to feel weak. My heart stung like a sword cut throw it during the war in the movie 300. The bloody war! I wanted more but the more I got the more I bled (not literally really but I felt like I was really bleeding) My sight was getting blurry, I couldn’t differentiate between the man and my coat (probably its just my mind playing tricks or probably I was just plain sleepy). I couldn’t feel my hands neither my feet (I think its just the cold weather), I was weak from the overwhelming defeat of my drug’s victory. I was almost raising the white flag but my drug still tasted sweet, it was still very refreshing. It took control of my entire body and I could barely think straight. Everything was woozy.
One more time, just one more time then I will stop, but one time turned to twenty then thirty then I found myself numb on the floor. Nothing more to give just defeat, weakness, despair and loss. I was finished. I needed to get up, get back to normal, because this was not normal, not at all.
Days have passed, even close to Months actually its almost a year. I am sitted at the corner of the office and I really miss my drug. I can smell its imaginary scent from a mile away. I wanted to just have one more feel but I am not getting involved again.
The desire to have my drug was defeated by the ache the drug left me with. The brutal defeat and never-ending ache of the after taste.
I miss my drug, its insane but I do.
If you miss your drug, please tell me am not alone.