AND IT ALL CAME DOWN!!

We had not spoken for two months now. Our two bedroom apartment felt like Solomon’s palace where he got to keep his 700 wives.Walking  from the bedroom to the kitchen felt like I was running the Lewa Marathon. Every room seemed like a hall, and the silence was deafening. He would walk into the house without uttering a single word and go straight to the other room. That was supposed to be my work space  but since we started fighting it became his sleeping space. I have dealt with silent treatment before with my sisters  but you will eventually need something from the other and we end up speaking again but this was different. It was not a normal cold war about someone stealing your favorite dress and pouring alcohol on it, it was a gigantic elephant in the room that involved another woman and my husband.

I had thought of what to say to him every morning, but my lips couldn’t part to even whispeblack-couple-fighting-r. I just stared at him, wondering what he was thinking. “Is it the end of the five year long marriage?” “Will we ever go back to just being me and him or is all that history?” Hot burning tears would stream down my cheeks  every time I thought of a divorce. “This was not part of the plan, I loved him, we can work this out” I convinced myself. I recalled our first day in this house. We were so in love, playing with the new furniture as we tried to fix everything around the house. We assembled everything together and soon our house became a home. He made dinner on Wednesdays and Sundays, because he believed in ladies night is the night his wife gets to feel special. After that we would have our in-house karaoke which we would croak till midnight then go to bed.

Now all that has remained of Wednesdays is my battle with mosquitoes as I try to get some sleep. The tossing and turning in our bed without him in it and knowing he is in the other room, telling by the snores escaping through sound travel. There were days I had thought of tiptoeing to his bed and sleeping with him but then I was not sure if he wanted me there. I was not sure anymore if he even loved me.

Insomnia

I was determined to make it work or at least have the conversation because the silence was killing me inside. All along I thought maybe I overreacted, I should have handled the situation differently but my temper got the best of me that day. I got angry so fast and just poured the venom out of my mouth, no editing just spewing any drastic word and accusations that came to mind like a retarded psycho, I couldn’t control myself. I was also shocked by my reaction, I knew I could be wild but I had never seen this side of me before. Both me and everyone else watched me cause a feud. My husband tried telling me that he can explain everything but I did not want any explanation and before I knew it, I had caused a scene and ruined my marriage in less than 10 minutes.

I felt betrayed by me because I reacted without consulting myself and I , Me just reacted and ruined for everybody else.

Its been two months, I had to do something, so I got out off work early enough and went home to make him dinner. I had texted him at lunch time “Hunn, I will be preparing your favorite dish tonight, kindly come home early so that we can share it together”… I then deleted and started another text “We need to talk , I can’t do this anymore lets just work this out” no this may make him not come home at all…I tried another version, “Hi, I have missed you, I am making dinner and I would love to have it with you.” I pressed send and tried not to  wait for a reply.

The baked potatoes with onion rings were ready, the garden salad was good to go and now I was just waiting for the pork chops to grill then soon I would set the table. I was so anxious like it was our first date. I was outright nervous, I changed into different outfits four times. Eventually, I had to remind myself that this was my husband for 5 years that I would be dealing with and not a total stranger. However everything felt so strange like I didn’t know whom I was going to meet that night.Is it the husband I once knew or the angry man who has never looked at me since the incident. That man was not my husband and I wasn’t quite sure how to behave around him.

I waited and waited till I fell asleep at couch, I knew he would eventually come home. He always does. Suddenly, I was woken up by the vibrations of my phone, it was my husband’s number but a lady was on the other end. At first my mind didn’t register what that lady said.”How dare she? Why would he do this to me? Why is there a woman calling me from your phone!!” I almost hang up but the lady shouted something like “You need to come to hospital right away!” and that’s when I froze.

I gathered myself and put on his over sized jersey which was closest to the door and dashed to hospital. No sooner did I get there than I found the lady who called me looking traumatized.  I didn’t want to think of anything, I needed to be told. I asked the doctor what exactly was going on and before I knew it, I blacked out. There goes my plans!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s