ME HIM AND THE SLAP!

We were having dinner, I had just tried the roast chicken recipe I got from my sister last week and they turned out great. I introduced an interesting topic that I picked up from the chama meeting that I had had during the day about Men being better chefs than women especially with the meaty foods, maybe in my subtle way I was trying to engage him in a conversation or I was trying to persuade him to make his favorite beef stroganoff the following day. I was really hoping to achieve both. Brian wasn’t falling for my small talk and the conversation took another turn into awkward silence and hence I picked up another conversation of how next week is my sister’s birthday and that I was planning to host dinner for her and her hubby at my place. He didn’t budge into that story either, so I opted to follow trend of the awkward silence. I cannot recall when we actually got into dialogue again, but all I remember is when he mentioned a sensitive topic, I flipped. The exchange of words that took place after that was like a chaotic strike, all manner of words were uttered and really ugly confessions flew into the air like the grenades during war.

In a blink of an eye, my head hit the wall after a slap landed on my left cheek .It hit hard until I felt some sort woman slapped
of numbness and literally went into a short black out before strong doses of headaches invaded my head in intervals of 3 seconds. I almost felt small leaks trickle down my thighs but that was just my imagination.I had never felt pain like that before except from the excruciating pain from the road accident I had last year but that’s totally different this was not an accident, it was an act of violence that had just happened from the man who has been my husband for the last three years.

Now this is when confusion sets in and you have no idea what to do after that. At that moment, my husband had walked out and slammed the door on his way out. From the look of things, I didn’t think he would be coming back anytime soon. However, I was still clueless of what to do.

The funny thing is that when it happens to someone else you have solutions right at your finger tips. ‘Walk away!’ ‘Leave him”Call the police’ but I still hadn’t made any move yet. “Should I call my mother?” I asked myself, but then I remembered how emotional my mother is, I wasn’t  ready to start calming her down. I thought maybe I should call my sister but something told me that my whole family will be involved before midnight even my 109 year old grandmother. “Should I call my dad? ” my husband will not survive the night and I would end up visiting my dad from jail and that wasn’t the plan. Who can I really have this conversation with, without it getting out of hand?

The next thing was panic. I panicked because this was the first Brian had ever raised his hand on me. If I go public with this, there’s no going back and swoman in painalvaging our relationship will not be in our hands anymore. I didn’t want to judge him yet because I had never seen this side of him but now I was his victim.

When exactly do you raise alarm when violence strikes, Is it after the  very first slap that happens over a misunderstanding or do you wait for the next time because it has never happened before? How do you tell whether to walk away or stay and resolve the issue. This is not exactly a boyfriend of two months? It is a husband of three years married at the church. Is this when you bring out for better or worse ? It was just a slap, can you blame it on the spur of the moment? maybe you did go overboard with your insults but does that guarantee a slap really? And if that’s the case, who will slap the man when he goes overboard with his actions? How exactly do you solve the situation of the first slap? Is that even normal to be slapped? Where do you draw the line?

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11 thoughts on “ME HIM AND THE SLAP!

  1. Okay,still a little bit in shock after reading. I think you definitly have to tell someone. You can’t deal with this on your own. I don’t know with were the arguments you had, but no man should hit a woman he loves and leave her without checking that you are alright, that is plane wrong. If he doesn’t apologize are dose something to redeem himself then you need to leave because it will happen again and you will be in bigger trouble.
    I realy hope everything ends well.

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    1. Thanks Bernarda for reading this its based on a true but it didn’t exactly happen to me…My question was really what happens when your boyfriend, spouse, partner slaps you? Do you walk away immediately and forget about the relationship?

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  2. Damn, this is interesting
    I have a friend going through this. This is the second time she’s got hit. I believe you walk a way with the first time because it gets worse.

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  3. Nice read!And yes,walking away eint easy.We’d be the 1st to give that advice to a friend but wouldn’t do the same.I think,if he hits you once he’d probably hit you again

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  4. Hi Eve. I interesting reading. I am fortunate to have never experienced violence in my marriage however I have had friends and relatives entrapped in this crazy web of violence that I am not qualified to understand . I think the decision to stay or not to stay is far deeper than the two individuals and the slap.
    For the victim, if she grew up in a home where her mom was beaten and never left, then I think it’s an uphill battle to leave. That’s because she has been socialised in a dysfunctional “loving” home that she may have considered a norm for years.
    Or maybe the victim on the other hand went into the marriage for the “wrong ” reason.. Financial security, “arranged marriage ” whether cultural or to keep up family appearances by marrying into “the right” family.
    For the aggressor, they may also be trapped in the web of violence as a result of their upbringing… That they saw their fathers getting “results” or “respect” only through violence. And hence they too are also victims.
    The fact that today we are exposed to campaigns against violence and that to hit anyone is criminal does not follow that people will walk out of relationships easily because of the exposure to the anti violence narrative.
    One thing is certain is that the only person who can decide to walk away from the violence is the victim. When you combine that illusive word called love, together with emotions ranging from hate to ecstatic joy, family dynamics, one’s upbringing, society expectations, church community expectations, personal hope, self esteem… How can one answer the question “when is it the right time to leave? ”
    I honestly believe there is no formula and each case is uniquely different in its complexity. We can only offer our opinions from the outside looking in, OK n the hope that our advise may bear a positive result for peace to the victim… Whether they opt to leave or stay. It’s complicated.

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    1. It is a complicated issue altogether one that doesn’t have a definite answer to it…It remains for the victim to choose whether to stay or leave entirely upon their own judgement and feeling i assume!

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  5. It’s true that when something happens to someone else a solution comes in easily but if it’s you it becomes difficult. The solution to a slap by a partner is by first knowing wots the cause of the slap and after you have both calmed down and the anger has reduced then you sit him down to talk listen to each other and tell him that there should not be a repeat of that slap again. The other solution is bring in a third party whom he respects that will discourage him on hitting a woman.

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  6. Im of the opinion that the moment a guy hits a woman she should leave immediately. .like pack her bags and walk out. We are creatures of habit, the 1st time might have been a genuine accident but the 2nd time definitely will come and it wont be an accident. You will get into another fight and instinct will be to shut you up and since a slap worked last time, it will be put to use again and that’s how one will find themselves in an abusive relationship.

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  7. This is a good thought provoking piece dear. It is hard to definitively say what one should or should not do. It’s easy to say get away, but you never know how you’ll truly react to something if you are not in the situation. It’s important to highlight that there are always deeper underlying issues going on in such relationships and the violence becomes a manifestation of these issues. Violence doesn’t just start happening in a happy and healthy relationship. Look at this example, the woman was trying to initiate a conversation and the guy just shuts her down. There is a deeper disconnect here.

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