I thought I would be young forever, and when I finally grow up, I would meet my prince charming and we would get married and live happily ever after… I blame Snow White, Princess and the Frog and Sleeping Beauty… for giving me false information.
Now comes the tricky part where you are grown up and you’ve started dating. You have no idea how to work around it but from all the magazines, storytelling, girlfriend confessions, books, observing mummy and watching movies and what nots, you have a basic idea on your role as the woman in the house. Its basic routine like in mum’s house make sure the house is clean, cook and take care of each other. Its almost like mental sums you know the drill off head. To top that, you also know how to be independent, work hard and make sure that you can take care of the household.
You start dating a man, he will have expectations and he will link most of them to his mum. Most men will have lived with their mums or grandmothers , they know what to expect from a woman but not most women grew up with their fathers or grandfathers we do not know what to expect from the man.
I start dating a guy, he is doing well with himself, drives a polite Golf GTI, lives in a modern apartment.He manages to take you out every once in a while to fancy restaurants, he plays golf and takes vacation to different islands and cities whenever he is on leave. However, I live in my one bedroom house we can’t call it apartment because that name is too mighty for that flat to afford. We do not have packing space and our trash bins is almost as good as the ground floor carpet next to the gate. We have a watchman, mostly to watch the the apartments owner’s vehicle when he comes to check on his investment, otherwise that guy doesn’t exist . Everyone has the key to the main gate, so we really do not need the watchman. We have fourteen houses per floor, you can imagine the commotion on the floor, you have no privacy, yako ni yetu even clothes. You can’t be shocked to find the ground floor nutcase wearing a top you lost three months ago and you have no proof its the one so you just let it go.
Normal lunchtimes, I make my appearance at Mama Boi’s Kibanda. She makes the best greens and shes’s the most affordable person along that area in Westlands. I enjoy it but I wish I could eat chicken biryani, or the buffet they serve on Woodvale avenue but the meals are too expensive so it remains a wish. He calls at around 2.30pm you are already back at the office. He lets you know he has just left a meeting at Southern Mayfair and wanted to pass by your office to say hi. I imagine Spur’s Ribs and I start salivating but I am too full with Chapati Kunde, I am left with no space for spares. He arrives at my office, I go downstairs and see him have a little chitchat, he makes a comment about the kunde stuck in between my teeth, I blush in embarrassment then end the conversation and head back to the office.
We have been dating one year now and he has changed his vehicle almost four times and now he is driving a V8.He is using three phones Samsung s7, iphone6 plus and a note 5. I have been hinting that he should give me one of his phones because my Safaricom Neon has seen better days but he says there’s no money, he is not liquid at the moment. However, by the following week he will have the new LG phone probably that one bends in water as I struggle with my neon tukingonjea pesa.
I had been sick and I wasn’t able to go to Hospital. A good friend of mine from Atlanta (former primary school classmate) came to my rescue and sent me kshs 10,000 which I still don’t know how to pay back. I couldn’t share my story with my local friends, its ridiculous, I am dating a guy driving a V8, who resides in a lavish apartment in Nairobi but my life is still the same Kibanda-mtaa na mulika mwizi. All I remember from his statement was that my company should insure my health.
“Am I at fault to expect more or want what he already has?”
Two years down the line, he had built a maisonette in the outskirts of Nairobi and I was then carrying his child. I still lived in my mtaa in Eastlands, he hated that I lived there. He complained all the time but He didn’t help me move out. I had been trying to look for another job to at least better my life and get out of the mtaa but to no avail. My boyfriend kept telling me that I should get into business. I had no idea what business I would venture in. I got a bit tired of looking for a new job so I just settled for the one that I had, until I gave birth and finished my maternity leave then I went back to searching. He paid for the antenatal care and maternity bills but after I gave birth, I still moved back to my mtaa with my baby. I kept wishing that my life would be different since I had been dating a guy who is financially stable but I was still in this turmoil of broke. Is it too much to ask a guy who is doing well for himself to better your own? I believe if he is serious then we should be helping each other grow and not watching while one is stuck. I would have loved to at least drive one of his cars to work because now I get tired but that remains just a wish.
What is the purpose of dating? Is it just to have a name tag of a girlfriend or is there actually a reason for having a relationship with someone? I know it is not wise to fully depend on a person but what if you are not in a position to financially lift yourself to that level yet you are dating the young General Manager of a multinational company. Wouldn’t it be better to just be single and lonely than hurting, yet you are in a relationship with a boss. How do you explain to yourself how you cannot afford diapers yet everyone in the mtaa sees his big V8 parked outside your example of a housing project? How do you borrow money from your friend yet she knows you are dating the ‘who’ in Nairobi?
However, I am reminded that the wealth or riches in question is his hard earned wealth so I shouldn’t depend on it.
But my question is, am I wrong to expect his help, his car or maybe live in his house? My idea of it is that we are building a future together despite the fact that I do not bring money to the table. Should I remain in the same hole as before even when am dating a millionaire who would easily get me out of that hole. He is the man but how should he be my man?
Am I at fault to expect more or want what he already has?