HE’S THE MAN!!

I thought I would be young forever, and when I finally grow up, I would meet my prince charming and we would get married and live happily ever after… I blame Snow White, Princess and the Frog and Sleeping Beauty… for giving me false information.

Now comes the tricky part where you are grown up and you’ve started dating. You have no idea how to work around it but from all the magazines, storytelling, girlfriend confessions, books, observing mummy and watching movies and what nots, you have a basic idea on your role as the woman in the house. Its basic routine like in mum’s house make sure the house is clean, cook and take care of each other. Its almost like mental sums you know the drill off head. To top that, you also know how to be independent, work hard and make sure that you can take care of the household.

You start dating a man, he will have expectations and he will link most of them to his mum. Most men will have lived with their mums or grandmothers , they know what to expect from a woman but not most women grew up with their fathers or grandfathers we do not know what to expect from the man.rich folk- wordpress

I start dating a guy, he is doing well with himself, drives a polite Golf GTI, lives in a modern apartment.He manages to take you out every once in a while to fancy restaurants, he plays golf and takes vacation to different islands and cities whenever he is on leave. However, I live in my one bedroom house we can’t call it apartment because that name is too mighty for that flat to afford. We do not have packing space and our trash bins is almost as good as the ground floor carpet next to the gate. We have a watchman, mostly to watch the the apartments owner’s vehicle when he comes to check on his investment, otherwise that guy doesn’t exist . Everyone has the key to the main gate, so we really do not need the watchman. We have fourteen houses per floor, you can imagine the commotion on the floor, you have no privacy, yako ni yetu even clothes. You can’t be shocked to find the ground floor nutcase wearing a top you lost three months ago and you have no proof its the one so you just let it go.

Normal lunchtimes, I make my appearance at Mama Boi’s Kibanda. She makes the best greens and shes’s the most affordable person along that area in Westlands. I enjoy it but I wish I could eat chicken biryani, or the buffet they serve on Woodvale avenue but the meals are too expensive so it remains a wish. He calls at around 2.30pm you are already back at the office. He lets you know he has just left a meeting at Southern Mayfair and wanted to pass by your office to say hi. I imagine Spur’s Ribs and I start salivating but I am too full with Chapati Kunde, I am left with no space for spares. He arrives at my office, I go downstairs and see him have a little chitchat, he makes a comment about the kunde stuck in between my teeth, I blush in embarrassment then end the conversation and head back to the office.

We have been dating one year now and he has changed his vehicle almost four times and now he is driving a V8.v8He is using three phones Samsung s7, iphone6 plus and a note 5. I have been hinting that he should give me one of his phones because my Safaricom Neon has seen better days but he says there’s no money, he is not liquid at the moment. However, by the following week he will have the new LG phone probably that one bends in water as I struggle with my neon tukingonjea pesa.

I had been sick and I wasn’t able to go to Hospital. A good friend of mine from Atlanta (former primary school classmate) came to my rescue and sent me kshs 10,000 which I still don’t know how to pay back. I couldn’t  share my story with my local friends, its ridiculous, I am dating a guy driving a V8, who resides in a lavish apartment in Nairobi but my life is still the same Kibanda-mtaa na mulika mwizi. All I remember from his statement was that my company should insure my health.

“Am I at fault to expect more or want what he already has?”

Two years down the line, he had built a maisonette in the outskirts of Nairobi and I was then carrying his child. I still lived in my mtaa in Eastlands, he hated that I lived there. He complained all the time but He didn’t help me move out. I had been trying to look for another job to at least better my life and get out of the mtaa but to no avail. My boyfriend kept telling me that I should get into business. I had no idea what business I would venture in. I got a bit tired of looking for a new job so I just settled for the one that I had, until I gave birth and finished my maternity leave then I went back to searching. He paid for the antenatal care and maternity bills but after I gave birth, I still moved back to my mtaa with my baby. I kept wishing that my life would be different since I had been dating a guy who is financially stable but I was still in this turmoil of broke. Is it too much to ask a guy who is doing well for himself to better your own? I believe if he is serious then we should be helping each other grow and not watching while one is stuck. I would have loved to at least drive one of his cars to work because now I get tired but that remains just a wish.

What is the purpose of dating?  Is it just to have a name tag of a girlfriend or is there actually a reason for having a relationship with someone? I know it is not wise to fully depend on a person but what if you are not in a position to financially lift yourself to that level yet you are dating the young General Manager of a multinational company. Wouldn’t it be better to just be single and lonely than hurting, yet you are in a relationship with a boss. How do you explain to yourself how you cannot afford diapers yet everyone in the mtaa sees his big V8 parked outside your example of a housing project? How do you borrow money from your friend yet she knows you are dating the ‘who’ in Nairobi?

However, I am reminded that the wealth or riches in question is his hard earned wealth so I shouldn’t depend on it.

But my question is, am I wrong to expect his help, his car or maybe live in his house? My idea of it is that we are building a future together despite the fact that I do not bring money to the table. Should I remain in the same hole as before even when am dating a millionaire who would easily get me out of that hole. He is the man but how should he be my man?

Am I at fault to expect more or want what he already has?

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “HE’S THE MAN!!

  1. Great read!!! I believe if we are serious about dating and we are looking forward to a life together then as the man I have an obligation to lift my woman up coz to be honest at the end of the day it also reflects on the kind of person that I am.
    Cannot wait for the next one..! Awesome job.

    Like

  2. Here’s to my awesome writer siz!!!
    This is a very good read.You are going places Ms Future author.
    These guys do exist YES but we are the ones who empower them to be so.No guy is born this selfish and if he is so, doesn’t mean he cannot change but we must change our perspectives first.
    He treats you the way you treat and see yourself.We say we love and value ourselves but deep down do we really know how valuable we are as women.I do not think so,thus the existence of such humiliation.
    If we only knew the true value of a woman…..
    We are God’s masterpieces.We got the deep emotional part of the image of God.(let us make man in our own image). Until we discover the real value God has placed on us women, that’s when we will get men who treat us God’s beloved.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Nice piece,Eve.

    I understand your point of view but as i usually tell people ‘ Expectations from people is the beginning of all disappointments’ But that’s just me.Well, if we all didn’t expect anything from someone then we might just be fine.
    I am also thinking of 2 key things;
    1. This term girlfriend is it just in your mind or its something defined.I usually say if you cant define a relationship then break it.Reason being this term has become too common; FWB still calls themselves girlfriend and………..So my question is did he ask you to be his girlfriend? or its all in your head? Am pretty sure if he did, well he ought to have known what he is dealing with.i.e the level of your standard.

    2. What is the foundation of your relationship.If this guy truly loves you,then he should be able to share what he has with you.He should not be ashamed of where you live but rather encourage you to better yourself, support your child and even recognize it because at the end, money is not everything, but ‘hey this is 21st century’. Another thing, when we are in a relationship,true love is never about you but rather It’s about the person you love.Their wants, their needs, their hopes and their dreams .Its all about being selfless and that’s what he should be; selfless.

    So hit the road and start working as hard as possible and try to won your V8 as well. My two cents.

    Like

  4. Awesome awesome Read!!!! Oh well, I don’t think it is wrong. Love is not selfish,if a man truly loves you for real, he will give you everything. I don’t mean, that the girl should totally depend on her man, nuh, but, if he can’t share what he has, at least even with the mother of his child, then, that man is selfish. No, to a large extent, it is not wrong to expect some of his stuff, nope. I believe in sharing, especially if I love someone,and he does the same, this while vibe becomes seamless. Anyway, eve, shame on this v8 man. Lol!

    Like

  5. All through this piece I have not read a single section in which you helped the man, even in the slightest of means. He is out there getting it on his own, his sweat, his time, his money. You feel like he owes you a phone, one of his cars, part of what we had worked for because you agreed to date him?

    The term selfish here is very relative. He IS selfish by not giving you part of what is his and he can spare, after you bore him a child. Very valid. However you can also be selfish by always expecting to be given, riding on someone’s sweat, especially before you bore him a child.

    The reality of dating and life is that nobody owes you anything. You are not anybody’s obligation. You need to get off your ass and go out and get yours. Your parents don’t owe you their inheritance, your boss doesn’t owe you a promotion, your man doesn’t owe you gifts and handouts. Empower yourself.

    Like

  6. Lovely piece there. I hear you Anyonyimous. It’s two-way. And I agree…she shouldn’t expect him to do stuff for her just coz he is loaded. But it sure does feel nice to be offered even if I will refuse or I don’t need it. Just the thought. It’s the principle. Anywho, I don’t get why she should be struggling to afford diapers. If you will show up in my neighborhood buy some damn diapers for your kid!! If she were to marry him, I can bet you a bajillion dollars he would just be as stingy. Hapo ndio unawachia mtu mtoto na unatembea na Yesu and come back after two weeks…one úria hookaga (french for “so that he knows where the shoe hurts”).

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s