Broken 

When I was growing up I knew I was going to be successful. I loved school and my grades were in line with my dreams.I imagined having a family, a beautiful house, a nice car, gorgeous kids and taking family vacations, everything looked so real.I just couldn’t wait to grow up.

Last year, as the year was coming to an end, I almost lost my job and things didn’t get better after that, so I decided to quit my job and figure my life out. Everything wasn’t going according to plan. I finished school, got good grades in campus, got a job then another then another and now I was tired of looking. So I decided to start my business. It seemed like a great idea. Now all my childhood fantasies were on the way to becoming a reality. I had a few friends to back me up on the business ideas. Some gave me general advice and others went on to even give me float to start. I was enthusiastic. I was in line of becoming a successful woman and I loved everything about it.

It started like a joke, my friends were having a party, they obviously invited me but I found a flimsy excuse not to go and that was the beginning of everything else that came to pass. You know as you grow up, people become less and less attached and most people will take your word for it and move on. For example, the party, I told my friends that I wasn’t feeling well and that was that. The next text that came in,was a ‘get well soon’ text and life went on as usual. No one checked up after that to find out if I got better, everybody quickly got back to their lives and life went on. My lifestyle slowly became about me and my business. The closest I got to fellow humans was my clients and that’s it.

I stopped going to social functions mainly because it always felt  crowded. Dates with potential and non potential boyfriends was a no no. I felt like I was crowding peoples space and I didn’t want to feel like everyone’s pity party. You know the time before your business picks up and you are living from hand to mouth. I hated being in that situation of constantly explaining myself and why my business hasn’t picked up in three months and what I was doing wrong.

My sister called the family for lunch at her place, despite it being a walking distance from my house, I chose to stay in the house and watch a movie. I hated the interrogations and expectations and before you know it, everyone has an opinion of how you should live your life. It was safer to stay home and create a valid excuse not to go.

My family started finding me peculiar and preferred to stay away. “She doesn’t want to spend time with family then I think we should leave her alone because she doesnt need us” my elder brother lamented. It had been four months since anyone in my family had seen me. I never made it to any family gathering not even the casual ones.

I found comfort in spending time alone. I didn’t want to intrude into anybody’s space. Everything was simpler when it was just me. I didn’t realize how I have secluded myself from everyone and how estranged I had become. I talked to myself a lot, I used to cry myself to sleep most of the nights and woke up feeling like I have been hit by a bus and my eyes were so swollen I could barely see. I tried telling a friend what was happening but she said everyone has bad moments it will soon be over. I took her word and hoped that this feeling was just a phase.

My family, friends and anyone else who knew me had given up trying to invite for this or that because it was now obvious I wouldn’t come. Some assumed that I felt superior to them to attend their events, others thought I had developed an attitude and most thought I was being childish.

I wish I had a proper explanation as to why my time alone became my comfort. I did not have a valid reason as to why I wasn’t hanging out with friends, it just felt better that way. I did not have a good answer as to why I felt too exhausted to go for family gatherings. Everyone thought I was being rude but honestly I also wanted to know why? Why do I feel this way?

I started feeling like there’s more to the story than just isolation. My body was always tired and I was always in a solemn mood. I felt sick but if you ask me what was wrong, I did not have an exact answer to that. My body was now working against me. There were days I had canceled on clients because I did not want to get out of bed. Was I sick? No, but I didn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything. This happened three times to three different clients, I knew something was wrong but I did not know what. How do you get help when everyone seems to think you are being foolish and selfish? Do you go to the doctor and tell them am suffering from isolation and I am selfish.

My alarm clock went off and I didn’t bother switching it off. It went on and on until it stopped on its own. I didn’t move. I stayed still in bed. The sun rose, the light peered through the curtain, there was noise outside, people were now awake.I went back to sleep and woke up at around lunch time. I felt my stomach grumble but I didn’t do anything about it. I still stayed in bed. I fell asleep again and woke up in the evening. The kitchen seemed so far and I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, so I went to sleep again. 24hours passed and I hadn’t left my bed. I was hungry, I knew I was hungry but I couldn’t get myself to go and make something to eat so I just stayed. At around 1am I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. Something told me the bathroom was too far and I was too pressed so I peed right at the side of my bed and got back into bed. Morning came, the sun rose and still I didn’t do anything but stare at the ceiling and stayed still. By the afternoon, I could smell some odour of someone who hadn’t showered, and the pee beside my bed but that didn’t ignite any emotion to move. I ignored the smell and pulled my blanket and slept. By now my stomach is beginning to realize that its not receiving any food, I felt the hunger pangs for some hours then they finally stopped.

I was tired, hungry, smelly and almost out of strength but this was my comfort zone. Two days passed, no phone call, no text, everyone was used to my silence and had given up on trying to have conversations by this time. I didn’t expect anyone to call me, and the silence was music to my ears.

My hungerpangs came back and my strength diminished little by little. I had no reason to wake up and face the day and that was the day I knew what my mind wanted. I wanted to die. I had given up eating, I peed right next to my bed until there wasn’t much to pee anymore, I wasn’t drinking anything, I hadn’t showered in 5 days and my body stunk like a dead rat. My lips had cracked, I could barely see clearly anymore, I could hear noises from afar, my body was frail, my back was aching and legs could hardly move.

As I was closing my eyes not sure if my death had finally come or my sleep was still holding on, I had the door open. “Who could that be?” The next thing I know is I heard a loud scream and before I knew it, my eyes finally gave in.

I woke up and found my mum scrubbing my back with my flannel sheet as she bathed the rest of my body. She noticed I was awake but she didn’t say anything. She finished bathing me like a one year old and carried me to the bedroom. She wiped me and put some clothes on me then left and came back with some porridge.

She didn’t ask me anything but she started talking. She told me stories of the countryside and how my uncle has married a 17 year old girl. She went on about church politics and chama differences and all I did was listen. It wasn’t a forced conversation, her stories were interesting, I knew her characters in each story, I had questions but I could barely utter a word. She finished the porridge and fed me some mashed potatoes mixed with spinach and some beef soup. I didn’t have energy to chew so all I did was swallow.

Mum was at my place for almost a month. She didn’t tell anyone anything. She bathed me, fed me, talked to me until one day when I gathered my strength and whispered a thank you and she melted and went on her knees and cried. She cried like a young girl whose doll was stolen, she cried then rose up and hugged me like her life depended on it.

The next month, my strength was back. I was doing everything on my own again. My mum never left but she helped get things done. I was now talking and even laughing. She had a lot of stories and theories about relationships and life. I listened most of the time and shared my opinion every once in a while.

She knew what had happened, she felt sad and ashamed to talk about it but she knew she saved me and she was glad she did.

Months later, mum received a phone call from an aunt. My cousin called Brenda was found dead in her house. My mum hang up and wiped her tears before she told me the news. We knew what had happened. We knew how it would have happened. However, no one said anything to the other and we just moved on.

Days later, my mother and I left to go to the funeral meeting. Most people were still in shock. Everybody seemed perplexed that Brenda would do such a thing.Her friends were in shock most of them hadn’t talked to her in a long while. Some say she never showed up to their club meeting. Others mentioned that she stopped answering their WhatsApp and others said she stopped going to church. They looked sad and you could see some wished they knew, they would have prevented this from happening. As for the older generations, most didn’t understand why a young lady with no grown up responsibilities like children or a husband would amount to killing herself. They all something to say…

Person A: “some kids are so selfish, does she know the pain and ridicule she has left her parents with?”

Person B:” Now why would someone take her own life, isn’t that being stupid”

Person C: ” And the way she was a beautiful girl, now what would she have lacked to make her do this”

Person D:”Maybe its because of a man, girls have become very stupid nowadays!”

I listened to all the negativity going on around the room as people spewed insensitive comments as to why they think commuting suicide is selfish and that Brenda was very stupid. That was me a few months ago. I was there. Giving up on life but my mum saved me just in time.

Depression is a mental illness. Being mentally ill doesn’t mean you only speak funny incoherent words, or go outside the house naked or walking around throwing stones and cursing people. In Kenya, its very hard to discuss depression or mental illness amongst each other. Most people expect cure from depression to happen overnight. My mum understood what happened, she did what she had to do to get me back first, then we can talk about what happened when am ready.

When your friend stops hanging out, visiting, showing up, picking up calls, secluding themselves from people, go an extra mile and just check up on them instead. Maybe they just need to find a reason to fight again. Show them the reason to fight again. Help a friend with depression. Hold their hand until they can walk on their own but never stop caring it can come back and it is amongst us.

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194 thoughts on “Broken 

  1. I have both anxiety and depression and there is no worse feeling in the world than having to fight demons in your head it’s like trying to fight for your own life but you don’t even have the strength to do it and you just feel so done and the worst part is that you just can’t tell anyone and if you do they say “everyone has problems you will get over it” so you somehow become your best company and without knowing it kills you slowly

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Judy ’em,I speak to that spirit of anxiety and depression with the authority of the power of Jesus name to die now scatter by fir of the Holy Spirit in Jesus name. Believe you are free now in the name of Jesus Christ. may God of Israel give you peace and strengthen your soul and body, may restore everything that the enemy has stolen and fill you with His joy that surpasses human understanding. Read psalms 28:7 & 61:3.be blessed.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Judy ’em,I speak to that spirit of anxiety and depression with the authority of the power of Jesus name to die now scatter by fir of the Holy Spirit in Jesus name. Believe you are free now in the name of Jesus Christ. may God of Israel give you peace and strengthen your soul and body, may restore everything that the enemy has stolen and fill you with His joy that surpasses human understanding. Read psalms 28:7 & 61:3.be blessed.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Lilly, as long as you have breath in you, life is never over.
        You just have to figure out what exactly is missing and start living.

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      2. It is not over, a lot of people are facing this issue especially in urban cities. it is weird considering we have everything so much better compared to our previous generations. better technology, state of living etc however we have been so busy keeping up with the current trends and acquiring more wants than needs that in the process it has become detrimental. sometimes it may be just a reminder that you have been having an entirely wrong focus in life, draw closer to the Almighty with gratitude of what has been bestowed upon you, and seek comfort from him and whatever little or much sustenance that has been granted to you. close your focus and don’t compare yourself to others in anyway(as it is a form of ingratitude) learn to bloom where you are planted and in due time you will find happiness and satisfaction once more. wishing you a better life

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      3. You are not alone dear….The good Lord is with you, trust in him and tell him what your worries are. He gives us a love which never fails.
        You’re not alone.

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    3. This is my life right now..what do i do??? Its worse plus alcohol addiction..multiple rape victim wanting to come clean but being shoved down by society am in pain

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      1. Lilly this story I’ve been there too. Thing about these demons is they always invite others mine was depression anxiety and addiction…not to mention the involuntary antisocial behavior, the feeling of filth n thinking the whole world hates u n is judging u for being withdrawn, feeling like ur not wanted everywhere u go…n the worst is the inability to love ppl. The heart just hardens n grows cold to all forms of love n the feelings of suspicion towards anyone who tries to love u (why are they pretending to love me? I know am not lovable) I was a girl in a dark room too. But I am alive today vibrant as ever and I never thought it would ever end but it did! There was only one catch,I had to decide to fight. Fight to love myself, fight to get out of bed fight to talk to ppl even if it was just a hie at first. Everyday I had to do something to walk towards recovery. Some days it was as Small a thing as forcing myself to go outside n walk in the sun for a few minutes. Other days was to find anyone quiet enough to walk with just to feel a human connection. Other times it was to find anyone to have a totally boring meaning lessfive second conversation about the weather…the smallest efforts I would do I would give myself a pat on the back for. And finally, this thing isolates u from the herd to kill u off,find someone to talk too,even if its a stranger…unburdening is such a relief…in prayer as well as in person…its very important that person bit.as u get back on the horse start to add things that spoil u to the the routine, things that make u happy, love on urself more n ull thank me later.this will help u love others again,u can’t give what u don’t have,can’t pour from an empty cup so u gotta start to learn the self love routine.I never loved myself enough to dress nice so I changed my wardrobe slowly but surely, one day I woke up n put on some light make up,another day I felt like doing my nails just to feel nice before I knew it I was just falling in love with not just the woman I had the potential of becoming but the woman I was NOW. I realized that if I imagined future me to be a successful woman who got it all together I had everyday between then and now to make little efforts towards becoming her, I realized I couldn’t love future me n hate current me yet they were supposed to be the same person, I had to do something now,today every day to say I contributed towards the future me. I had to appreciate howfar current me had come,i had to start embracing her and loving her from brokeness to health…from the ground up. After all u don’t just wake up successful a successful life is made of successful days,so everyday there should be something u to to call it successful, something that u can say contributed to that better u..live everyday one at a time,forget about the past.the past is dead.living in it is living in depression, DON’T WORRY about the future -that’s anxiety, think about today,ask urself; in this great marathon of life,can I put one foot in front of the other?sweetheart,YES YOU CAN!
        I and so many other women out there did it,and we lived to encourage others that they can do it and YOU will too!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. THE PREGNANT DEER – such a beautiful story !
        .
        In a forest, a pregnant deer is about to give birth. She finds a remote grass field near a strong-flowing river.
        This seems a safe place.
        Suddenly labour pains begin.
        .
        At the same moment, dark clouds gather around above & lightning starts a forest fire.
        She looks to her left & sees a hunter with his bow extended pointing at her.
        To her right, she spots a hungry lion approaching her.
        .
        What can the pregnant deer do?
        She is in labour!
        .
        What will happen?
        Will the deer survive?
        Will she give birth to a fawn?
        Will the fawn survive?
        Or will everything be burnt by the forest fire?
        Will she perish to the hunters’ arrow?
        Will she die a horrible death at the hands of the hungry lion approaching her?
        .
        She is constrained by the fire on the one side & the flowing river on the other & boxed in by her natural predators.
        .
        What does she do?
        She focuses on giving birth to a new life.
        .
        The sequence of events that follow are:
        – Lightning strikes & blinds the hunter.
        – He releases the arrow which zips past the deer & strikes the hungry lion.
        – It starts to rain heavily, & the forest fire is slowly doused by the rain.
        – The deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.
        .
        In our life too, there are moments of choice when we are confronted on αll sides with negative thoughts and possibilities.
        .
        Some thoughts are so powerful that they overcome us & overwhelm us.
        .
        Maybe we can learn from the deer.
        The priority of the deer, in that given moment, was simply to give birth to a baby.
        .
        The rest was not in her hands & any action or reaction that changed her focus would have likely resulted in death or disaster.
        .
        Ask yourself,
        Where is your focus?
        Where is your faith and hope?
        .
        In the midst of any storm, do keep it on God always.
        He will never ever disappoint you. NEVER.
        .
        Remember, He neither slumbers nor sleeps…

        Liked by 3 people

      3. Lily know that God truly cares for you,
        You are precious in His sight
        0720455200, if you need a friend,
        You will get through this

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  2. John 10:10
    The enemy comes to steal kill destroy but I came that you may have LIFE & have it more abundantly…

    There is a spiritual angle… make sure you pray (try hard or get someone to stand with you)…

    My two cents coz God is faithful…

    Live! don’t die… you’re here for a reason… you are a winner!

    300,000,000 sperms … only one lived … the one that made it is a true winner …. one in 300 million chance… n it’s you! A bit nasty to some but u swam for your life & u can do it again… victory is in you!

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    1. 🍀John 10:10.
      Ephesians 3:20.🍀

      Both these verses, talk about ,”ABUNDANCE”.
      a)Jesus came to give us life, *Abundantly…*
      b) God is able, to do, *Exceedingly, Abundantly*, above all that we can ask for..according to the power that works within us, for ever..
      I take this to mean that ,
      WE ARE TO ENJOY LIFE IN ABUNDANCE, here and now.!
      We are not born again, just to go to heaven….
      We are to live, in exceeding abundance, on earth.
      The Lord, wants His Will to be done on earth, “AS IT IS IN HEAVEN”
      What a joy!
      💜🙏🏽Let us allow the Spirit of God, living in us, to work within us, to provide the exceeding abundance, according to God’s riches, in glory🙏🏽💜

      💦ENJOY AN ABUNDANT DAY💦

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  3. I totally relate…having suffered depression at the age of 8yrs,am now 22yrs but sometimes the simplest things can trigger and it gets overwhelming but all it takes is just one reason to have the will to fight and get better…Thanks alot Eve for this piece,depression is very real and the problem is we don’t talk about it enough…are we embarrassed? Yes…we are afraid of what others will think…but that’s not the case,silence is what actually kills you….find a stranger if you have to,but talk….say something!!!

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  4. Iam a student and this is my daily bread.I run my life like a showbiz worrying each and every second what others think of me.Actually I’m dead inside walking dead.Ido nothing that I really want to because I’m too self conscious.I compare myself too much and this breaks me into pieces. My esteem is currently below room temperature and opt to get out only at night.Don’t how I’m gonna live this way for how long but believe if I say I’m pissed with this life I’ll be lying to you.I have no fucking back bone to get out there and face life.I just live a mediocre life never really having a grip control.There is a very big gap between what I really want,what I think I should be doing and what I actually do.I don’t know may be some people are meant to just pass through life.Don’t you think so?

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    1. Heey, So I was passing by to give a comment on the article at large and I found you, So I choose to speak to you first.
      My Name is Joanne Misik. And I have battled self esteem issues since I was a child, but I came to win over it later and no it was not as easy as I said it. But If every single day you wake up telling yourself how beautiful/handsome you are, how intelligent, how wonderfully you have been made one day you will believe it.
      Embrace Belief in a higher God. Trust me, he listens, when you feel sad, and overwhelmed just talk to him, pray even when you can’t see him, Just Call him and start speaking a load of weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You are in my prayers from this day onwards.

      But do not give up, and don’t resign to settling for this life of discomfort. If you can have a way to channel your feelings, maybe writing, drawing, talking, singing… anything you enjoy doing , then do it. It will help you to be able to gather your thoughts and make wise decisions.
      You are in my prayers. But just incase you need a friend, I am here, text me (0729045972) And I am beyond perfect, but figuring this out together is easier… Be well

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      1. Am really grateful for this comment. Am a prayerful person and for sure am selfless. My problem is that i consider my self worthless and above all bearing responsibility for my siblings sometimes makes me go berserk. I don’t know how i can always meet their demands considering am a jobless young graduate and they need my help. Sometimes people employ you, they delay with the salary.Remember I love keeping to myself my problems most of the time. Any hope for the selfless?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Most certainly. There always is hope. I need you to look at yourself more on a point if view that you are sttong enough and that is why God has allowed you to be tested to that level. Things may seem all deem right now but they will fall into place.

        Expand your territories. Learn something new, a hobby or a skill, something that you enjoy and can do part time then do it and have fun while at it. Then make money. Look at anything you might be good at, sit down and make a plan then do… It’s not going to be easy though, it’s never is not for me or anyone, not even for you but what matters is that you start. Just start. And I am glad you are a prayerful person, keep praying, be honest about your feelings to God and any time you feel alone, seek him, talk to him in any way. Make God your best friend and dedicate every plan you have to him. ..Trust me, everything is going to be fine.

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    2. Sweetheart ,
      You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
      There’s a song that says,” Only a tree with fruits, get stones, thrown at”.
      Those negative attacks, you are getting, is because there ‘s greatness within you…
      See how far you’ve come?
      Keep going, dear..
      Allow us to surround yuo in the physical, and allow God to infiltrate you in the spiritual .
      You will surprise yourself.
      You are in my prayers.
      Don’t give in, don’t give up…

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    3. Hi. No one is just meant to pass through life. Everyone of us is somewhat special…. maybe not aware but still special. …. and sometimes we aren’t special to the people we want to be special to…. so it’s best to go to those who find something worthy in us… sometimes when we stop looking at our situation and help someone else in a really bad situation we get to see our purpose and joy.

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    4. Life aint meant that we just pass through…its meant for a purpose; to serve God with our lives-daily lives. Wen this aint happenning, something is wrong…alot is wrong. From the few dots I can quickly join, there is no meaning in your life now as far as u are concerned..this should not be the case. You have no esteem, confidence, bravity, boldness….name them…al gone…the first step towards healing is acceptance…you are past that so u r on the way to healing….the next step may require guided change in how you think about yourself…which needs someone…a counsellor or someone who can listen to you…
      Your life is far from over…its too long…gud things are on your way…you may not see them now…but they surely are…
      Your story is such touching….I have talked to ppl like you before..aint a counsellor though…but wen need be, I do. Lemmi kno if u need someone to talk to…
      God blessed you…

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    5. Don’t die alone. There are people you can talk to that can help. Try “Niskize”…or Google Kendi Ashitiva if face to face is too hard. If you need a therapist and want to do the face to face, there are resources all over. Let me know if you need a referral. There’s help. There’s hope. And above all, there’s Jesus. No one was created to merely exist and pass through life. Halla.

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    6. No one is meant to just pass through life. Then that would be a waste to mother nature.
      You’re you and no one else can be you.
      God, make our lives onymous, give us a name, give us an identity
      Give us life, Lord.

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  5. I’m a psychiatric nurse in the U.S.,and depression is the most common mental illness here.1out of 4 people suffer from depression While prayer has its place,there is medication for depression,which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.Encourage depressed people to see a psychiatric.It is manageable.I know because I deal with depressed people all the time.

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  6. Thank you for sharing.

    Life is a rollercoaster and those of us who are not good a sharing, find it hard in the dips and peaks. I think it speaks poorly of us, when we let our friends go quiet…and then later when something happens we ask how did that happen, why and yet we never bothered to find out how they are doing. We all do it, saying “but, I’m always the one halain, even s/he can’t hala??”. That’s where we go wrong and WE all need TO DO BETTER, BE BETTER. This is what it means to be my brother’s keeper.

    Thank God for your mum. She just took care of you and loved you back to life.

    You are important.

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      1. Don’t beat yourself too much… Just check up on them call them for lunch or anything and have enjoy a conversation with no judgment… That’s all it takes…

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  7. Reblogged this on misikjoanne and commented:
    Depression is real, look beyond your friend’s indifference, let us not find comfort in withdrawing from people… little by little we fall deep…
    I understand what she is talking about.

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  8. As someone who fell off the edge recently, this is a timely read. Many don’t seem to understand, especially friends and family. I am happy some are making an effort to understand me more now. I am currently on medication and looking for a good counsellor or therapist. We still have a long way to go, but sharing like this is the best step we can take to find each other.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. i have suffered depression two times and i almost ended my life am glad for the encouragement its not easy bt wth God everything is possible still struggling wth it.

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  10. I too have felt anxious and depressed and even considered suicide a few times .I have always felt ashamed of this but I am glad to know I am not alone in this struggle.

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  11. I have experienced depressed at some point in life. I questioned the purpose of living, secluded myself from everyone and basically questioned everything. why was I alive? Is there such a thing as free will etc…
    Anyway, what saved me was my then 2yr old nephew. Normally, my nephew would see me and run away screaming bloody murder. ALL THE TIME!
    But during this depression phase I decided to visit my bro(his dad) and as soon as I stepped in the house, my nephew ran towards me and hugged me with so much love. This was a first for him. I guess he sensed my depression, I don’t know. But it felt so good. And from then my visits became more frequent, my nephew always sat with me and slowly I started enjoying life again.
    my nephew saved me though he doesn’t know it.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very touching. I love the honesty and I Hope you are doing much better. God loves you and he cares for you. I pray that He leads you to your life purpose and that you find love and freedom in Him too…
    Isaiah 54: 10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be moved, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed. All the best dear..

    Liked by 1 person

  13. First to salute you for sharing your story. It can’t have been easy. We have buried our heads on the subject for way too long. We can’t act like it is not happening.
    Mental illness is an illness like any other, And just like all conditions with the right diagnosis and care it is treatable.
    To anyone currently going through it you are indeed so loved by the most high. His word says you are the apple of his eye. My prayer is that you may be consumed by his love and get the help you need.
    I look forward to a time when we will all be knowledgeable on the subject, when we will be able to openly talk about it and treat it like any other condition. When we will be able to extend grace and love to others because we know not what they are battling.
    Hugs and love Eve. Thank you for being part of the conversation, for opening up your heart inorder to reach out to others. May God richly bless you.

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  14. First to salute you for sharing your story. It can’t have been easy. We have buried our heads on the subject for way too long. We can’t act like it is not happening.
    Mental illness is an illness like any other, And just like all conditions with the right diagnosis and care it is treatable.
    To anyone currently going through it you are indeed so loved by the most high. His word says you are the apple of his eye. My prayer is that you may be consumed by his love and get the help you need.
    I look forward to a time when we will all be knowledgeable on the subject, when we will be able to openly talk about it and treat it like any other condition. When we will be able to extend grace and love to others because we know not what they are battling.
    Hugs and love Eve. Thank you for being part of the conversation, for opening up your heart inorder to reach out to others. You are indeed special!!!
    May God richly bless you.

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  15. Hey everyone! I am a guy and I have been recovering from anxiety and depression for the past 3 years. I can tell you I lost everything from a successful job, exciting lifestyle, my Independence to my girlfriend cause of the disease. I turned to everyone to find out what’s happening to me and why is going insane. Everyone kept telling me that it’s life, be a man, deal with the issues head on, what’s wrong with you, it’s the devil…etc. Let me tell you it took an intervention of 2 people who had dealt with issue before who spotted the signs and sent me help. A nurse and Liberia friend who I hold dear, respect and appreciate them. I was inches from killing myself in my house in Kileleshwa when I had lost my mind. All alone trying to deal with a issue greater than anything you can imagine. Your sanity. I got help and my life stopped and journey to recovery begun. It was long and tidiuos. I had to move back to my parents home. Taken care of by my mother like a small child and being encouraged and reinforced ever day to do certain things. For over 2 years was the same story but I can say now I am back to normal. My own determination to overcome the disease was more effective than medication and psychiatry. I stopped taking antidepressants 4 months ago and my body has overcome the harmful effects of withdrawal. I am happier now but I have moments when the disease lingers and threatens to come back. But my will is greater now than before. I lost friends and lost touch with relatives but I made it my mission to reignite those relationships so that I can move forward with my life. I am looking for a job or possibly start a business so I can become a productive member of society. I must admit that this disease robbed me of my life but am fortunate it didn’t Rob me of my existence. Am alive and planning to be that way for a long time. If you know or suspect someone is unwell please intervene cause you could be voice that rescues this person before it’s too late. That is my story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow!!! So inspiring.
      Take heart, he who saw you through that dark period and preserved your life will restore back everything you lost. Just trust him. In his time he makes all things beautiful.
      Bless

      Like

    2. i was going through the comment section and i must admit i was uncomfertable chipping in as most comments were by ladies. im currently going through what you went through. its usually very difficult for men to come out, and i think that is why despite depression affecting more women, men die of depression related suicide than women.thank you very much for sharing.

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      1. I believe that the spirit God placed in us is the same;
        The difference between us is just physical..
        Then society hips on us other differences..
        If anything, women bear more pain than men..
        Diseases and problems don’t choose .
        Neither does God…
        Feel at home, dear.

        Like

  16. maybe am headed there or its just paranoia, i missed work for to days 5th & 6th. The excuse was I was sick, but truth is i didn’t feel like getting out of bed or talking with anyone(put my phone on airplane mode). I was in the house for two whole days. Thought about my life, cried, cursed and concluded am alone in this life, so whatever I do no one cares. Sometimes i tell my friends am not in the house so they don’t come over. Thought maybe am an introvert but after reading this am scared

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  17. That got me in tears 😭 😭
    That describes me now.
    I don’t want no one near me. I don’t want anyone to call me or text me or look for me.

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      1. blockquote, div.yahoo_quoted { margin-left: 0 !important; border-left:1px #715FFA solid !important; padding-left:1ex !important; background-color:white !important; } Dear Friends;Jesus paid a Tremendous Price for our Healing;By His STRIPES, we are healed from every category of sicknes-disease and infirmity;(1Peter 2:24)From common cold to cancer, and all the others in between…I don’t know about you, but I ” refuse to take on”,something that Jesus died, “To take off,”of my life!Jesus instructed His disciples to ask for daily bread( Matt 6:11)-Healing is  part of the daily bread of believers-And through the blood of Jesus, we receive a ” never-ending supply”, of God’s Miraculous Healing Power;Whatever ailments you may be dealing with, Jesus addressed it on the CROSS.You are already totally and completely healed.BELIEVE IT-CLAIM IT-RECEIVE IT IN JESUS’ NAME! I pray everyday at midnight .I mention everyone in this blog, and beyond…My number; + 17803991301.Email-nyowiti@yahoo.com.🕊SHALOM🕊

        Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

        Like

  18. Hallo all…this post has hit so close to home for me.I am recently getting over depression.Everything spoken about here was me.Not eating,not showering,isolating myself and suicidal plans.I even drafted my suicide note..I am actually writting a blog documenting my journey so that i can also help the depressed and raising awareness at its severity. Will publish it soon and i hope it will help.In the mean time 0719807424 is my number for anyone who needs a friend or a shoulder to lean on.As someone who has been in that dark hole,i understand completely how it feels.Am actually tearing up as i write this imagining how this post has completely mirrored what i have been dealing with.God is in control and for as long as his breathe is in our lungs,we can conquer anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. There is something about depression that tells you “No one cares, no one gets me…” and it can really eat you up. But as someone said above, you have to fight. That means trying to find even one reason to believe there is something good happening in your life. Something to be thankful for. People should not assume that recovering from depression is a 1-day thing. It is a journey in itself, and it takes baby steps.

    Like

  20. Reblogged this on Mburayan and commented:
    I had to reblog this, something that most people go through silently, so many internal “demons” in life. Most of the time you just need someone to tell you it will be okay, someone to hold your hand. It’s heartbreaking to read this, but in the end we all get the message, that it costs nothing to reach out. Someone needs you today, could be me, your friend, wife, husband, brother, sister, or even that person you have called awkward because they’re quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. are there people here dealing with depression who would like to form a support group?i am here alone and as much as i would like support,i would like to be supportive as well. someone interested contact me 0719807424

    Like

  22. Thanks for sharing this sis. I have never stopped praying for you. I do wish we could have a whatsApp call soon. I miss you so much.
    Depression sure is not a good place to exist in. It helps to know that someone cares and is willing to love you despite all your faults.

    Like

  23. Reblogged this on sogugu and commented:
    A good friend shared this post with me. I can relate to it to some extent. I am so glad we are finally having the conversation about loneliness, social anxiety and depression.

    Like

  24. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I secluded myself for a while after getting hijacked and later after losing my job. It hurts terribly when no one checks in. Or when they do and make you feel like a selfish person for “checking out on life”. Your mother is an amazing human being. And those of you/us seeking help and posting comments, having these tough conversations, reaching out and sharing, I think we are very brave.

    Like

  25. For the longest time,this has been on my mind. I have suffered from this and jeez do I know it’s horrible. The society is really cruel against mental illnesses unfortunately. I believe something can and should be done seeing that many people suffer in silence.

    For those going through this hell, it’ll be alright(the worst words to hear at such a moment). Force yourself to reach out to a close non-judgemental friend, see a therapist, journal, whatever takes the demons out of you, do it.

    Liked by 1 person

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