The Diary of a confused Entrepreneur

The life of an entrepreneur looked so lucrative, exciting and meaningful compared to the life I was living at that time. I had just walked out of my boss’ office after he yelled that I am not adding any value to his company. Tears were literally threatening to gash out of my eyes profusely but I had to maintain composure especially in male-biased environment. Crying would seem weak and justify my boss’ statement of being the weakling in the company. I never thought my life would end up on this channel. Not in a position where I feel useless, hopeless and unable to get my life together, all at the same time. Something must be really wrong with me.

The visits to my boss’ office became more frequent than anything. One after the other led to a more depressed girl who could not perform and his attitude towards me seemed to get worse evrytime. I needed to do something but I honestly did not have a clue what.  One fair morning, I decided to watch a motivation video by Les Brown. I needed to get back on my feet and actually do something meaningful.

As I am up in arms in pursuit of happiness and success, I was hit with an ultimatum that I may loose my job by the end of the month, if I don’t change my attitude. What’s wrong with my attitude? Have you ever been accused of something you were not even aware it was happening?

After the tete a’ tete between myself and I in the bathroom, I got back to my desk and tried to do something constructive. At that very moment is when the idea of becoming an entrepreneur seemed like the best idea ever.

I wanted to start a babysitting agency. I started googling about starting a babysitting agency and how to run one online. I knew I didn’t have money to run an agency with an office. All those ideas seemed like the best idea I had ever had in a while. I started to feel some sort of worth and ability to achieve success. I started to feel like I was unbeatable.

So you know when someone threatens to take away your job, you start looking for plan B which is normally another job but I wasn’t looking for plan B, I was making plan A. I felt like a total genius and I wanted to conquer the world. The interesting thing about googling about entrepreneurs is that, their stories sound so cool, interesting and achievable but the real stories, the real hardships, the real quitting moments, not many get to talk about them in length. They all brush through with nouns like determination, persistence, hard work, discipline to get you through the hard times.

I was really excited to start the entrepreneurship journey. Everything seemed possible at that moment. I didn’t wait for my boss to fire me instead I sent in my resignation letter at the end of the month and I was ready to fly.

Fast forward to two months later when the entrepreneurship journey actually began. The first day of waking up felt so different. You had no boss to tell you what to do because you were your own boss. I never knew how confusing being in charge of yourself could be. I couldn’t make up my mind whether to eat breakfast at 8am or at 10am or if snacking at around 11am was even allowed. You feel like there are silent rules that exist but you have no idea what they are.

Clock- WordPress

Waking up for me was the hardest part because most entrepreneurial videos talk about entrepreneurs being morning people who wake up at 4am or 5am and I couldn’t even get my eyes to open at 6am. Why couldn’t I just wake up early? I started feeling inadequate and not good enough soon after. Eventually my waking up time became 7am on good days and 9am on bad days.

The fact that I do not have an office made it even worse to create a routine. The sitting room is my office, the bedroom is my chill spot and home. I do not have enough space to put up a work space with a sitting chair and working desk so I do all my work on the sofa. You can imagine how that ends up.

My first challenge as a Start-Up was TIME.

  • Time to wake up
  • Time to eat
  • Time to cook
  • Time to work
  • Time to rest
  • Time to binge watch my favorite series
  • Time to research
  • Time to post on social media
  • Time to sleep
  • Time to clean dishes, clothes, house
  • Time to engage with others socially
  • Time to go out

Just creating a routine from a wild idea in your head and actualizing it, is not that easy. I do not have any idea of how to run a babysitting agency. I do not have any idea of how to run a business and I simply do not know how to work alone. Everything seems so complex and hard.

Dear Diary, I almost feel like maybe I wasn’t really made for this. Waking up is a nightmare. My business skills are very basic. They say I should enjoy the process, but at times, I just want to know that something is working, Something! Anything!

There’s the glamour, facade and placement that the social media has placed entrepreneurship, whereby people are able to travel, live the beautiful life they’ve always wanted, buy the cars and things they like, but some of us are just simple Start-Ups who hope to make it one day. I am no Steve Jobs, nor am I Warren Buffet or the International Genius, I am just a confused entrepreneur with a hope to achieve something in the future.

My advise to a confused entrepreneur like me, trust the process and create your own path that works and keep doing what you are doing. We will all be fine!

See you later…

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4 thoughts on “The Diary of a confused Entrepreneur

  1. The most important thing about being an entrepreneur, apart from a viable business plan, is to invoice on time and collect your money when it’s due. Cash is King. Some customer due diligence will never hurt you. Many business will fail prematurely through poor cash management.

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